whoa.

rapid transit is coming faster than i thought. transit every 5-10 minutes in rush hour, 15 mins every other time? mm hmm.. i'll believe it when i see it!

they do have a nice website though. check it out here > viva.

i know im supposed to be studying but i just wanted to reassure you that..

i love you sooo much Will!
i love u in the morning, and in the afternoon..
love u in the evening and underneath the moon!

okay. back to reading!

how great is our God

this past weekend our fellowship went on a retreat to teen ranch.

i came in a little skeptical about everything, but came out with expectations that were exceeded beyond a measure. to sum it up, i think we have taken a big step in the direction of where we are to be. honestly, i dont think ive ever felt such true, genuine fellowship until now. gummi was right in saying that relationships with people, no matter how close, will never been the same after u see them cry, especially when u feel their pain and cry with them. ah, what an emotional weekend.

below are a handful of pictures from Will. they speak a thousand words right? so i'll keep this entry short =)


aw, the brothers show their love, while leo does a little dance for us.


trust was a big theme during the retreat. steves surprise bday cake at lunch.


salt committee 2005. girl power!


everyone at the retreat. oh the memories =)

breathe, stretch, shake...

> > new pics up!

okay, so i guess it was worth it. OF ended up being pretty successful, and the show looked really good. even the first show, where some things werent as smooth as they could be, looked great (Will taped it all so i got to watch it.) thanks to everyone who came to watch and support us!! (and also those who wanted to come but couldnt!) thanks a ton to Will who drove me down at 7am and stayed at the festival until 11pm! hes been oh-so supportive thru this whole process. how come i dont have a picture with u?! grr.

would i do it again? well, i might consider it.. being on stage was fun.. =D

anyway i have a gazillion pics from the show from a bunch of people so i cant possibly put them all up. or at least not now. so below are the better ones!


joyce, myself and tiff. this is my scandalous outfit. yes, i have bottlecaps on my boobs, mirrors on my ears and a see through drape for a skirt. though i must say, i cant beat tiff's picture frame lol.


this is part of the metal scene and thats me looking tough, grr.


a little more zoomed in. whys tiff so happy with her picture frame on her neck? hah.


OF, mostly dressed for the metal walk and metal dance scene.


me, tiff, gummi and emily having a picnic in the wood walk.


another pose in our wood scene.


the last scene (earth) where all us white people did our last pose.


thanks matt for coming to watch! im glad that u enjoyed urself.


ah big bear hug!




aww janette stayed up all night to make gummi and i this big sign. heh, couldnt help but smile when i saw it in the crowd.


gummi and i. im reeeally glad that u could join OF! its been good =) those are the really cool earrings i got from sally. click here to see more!


tiff and i during our down time from OF. it wouldnt hav been the same without u!


aw, i like this pic. this is elaine, emily and i. weird flash that made us all glow.


me, tiff and christine (mother earth). i love the pink and green eyeshadow on her!


me, sarah, paulina and krystin, while watching the dragon dance from upstairs.

thats it for now! kinmon has a fuller collection of pics from the show. (backstage and on stage) u can check them out by clicking here. maybe i'll put more up later when im not so lazy. yay almost the weekend.. SALT retreat here i come!

Follow-up reflection

Ah, finally the monster within me is dying down.. (refer to previous entry.)

I think the other thing that's really been bugging me about OF lately (well, many things have been bugging me, but besides those), is the fact that i'm not sure if i'm supposed to be in it..

when the auditions came around, it was such a last minute decision. i think i found out about them a couple nights before? for one thing, i didnt pray about it. honestly i just wanted to go out and selfishly have some fun being in a show where i would get a few minutes of fame and attention.

and its not like i really have a talent for this stuff. im not extremely good looking, im not great in front of the camera, im not really graceful and i cant dance hah. and plus i cant relate to more than half the people who are in OF..

it was all just for fun. i guess we're allowed to have some fun.. but honestly, it feels like a waste of time. i dont feel like its really directly aiding God's kingdom (or at least, not that i know of). so why? why did i join? for myself.. all for myself.. though because i joined, gummi joined, and he's been making some progress with some ppl hah, which is an indirect thing, but still something. but on my part, i dont feel that much of a reason to be here.

my devos just now were about more and how God is more than we could ever imagine and He gives us more than we dare to hope for. and then when i was praying i said "God, this OF thing is giving me more stress than i need right now.." and i said, huh? whoa. maybe i'm right, and maybe He's right. *sigh* (also funny how He definitely gave me more than i could ever imagine OF to be.. haha)

so maybe there is a lesson to learn afterall?

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
- Ephesians 3:20-21

its JUST three more days until the show..

big rant number 2..

so we're supposed to have a rehearsal at the cne today at 5pm so that we can practise on the actual stage, and plus some scenes need more work.

i missed my badminton class to do this. this is after i called practically everyone in the town of markham to try and find someone to fill in for me.

4:20pm i enter the auto building. our director and another performer were there, they both came from guelph. our choreographers come a little after 5pm. we find out that we arent allowed to use the stage. OKAY THEN. then we find out we're not even supposed to be there. what the heck??

so then nelson is going crazy, probably going to kill someone. man, i would be biting someones head off at this point if i was running the show and i find out we called everyone out to rehearse and we cant. well not really that we cant rehearse. we can, just until they kick us out. how reassuring.

so then everyone is trying to call up everyone they know to tell them not to come down.

its one thing to cancel the rehearsal. thats enough to make me really upset right. but its another when its 5:30pm, half an hour after rehearsal is supposed to begin, and NO ONE IS THERE EXCEPT ME. where are the other 20 performers?? if the other performer didnt go with the director, i doubt he wouldve made it on time. is there no committment here? why am i dishing out my effort to get there on time and early when no one else is??

OH and then now we have another rehearsal tomorrow night. and friday night. these last minute rehearsals are reeeally killing me. do they think we have no life? we have to rearrange our schedules because of inabilities to organize. frig. if we were getting paid for this or something maybe it wouldn't be so bad. but when im skipping out on my job where i get paid for this and WASTE MY TIME, then its not nice. FREAKING RIDICULOUS IF U ASK ME. argh.

this, among other frustrations, is making me reeeeally gross and frustrated right now. just, dont talk to me about it. if u go, then go. have fun. i dont care. i just want it to be over!! im going to sleep in tomorrow.. yesss, sleep in.. mm.. sleep.. when i wake up, all of this will have been one big dream. yess, dream..

i guess the only thing i can laugh about is that im just glad im not organizing it.. lol

- - - - -

UGH THE STRESS.

i cant believe i invited so many people to come. why, why rebecca?

and all this stress is making me break out. and it just happens to be that time of the month. just freakin wonderful. what great timing.

im just, stressing. venting. going crazy. sorry if i take it out on u in the next few days. just, leave me alone.


- - - - -

*breathe*

but on the flip side, i did have a good time chatting with matt today at dim sum and fairview. and plus i saw my sweetypie today too.. Will was oh so sweet as to come with me to the stupid rehearsal. then we had dinner alongside caitlyn and joshua, and they never fail to cheer me up.

even though we have our frustrations and challenges, im glad that i could look back and smile that we made it through. i dont know where i'd be without u. thanks a million and more. love u willy =)

dang, sat feb 5 is coming too fast.