oriental fusion has 'selected' me to be a model for the show at the chinese new yrs festival, so then that means more on my plate! practises once a wk, are u crazy?

on top the pile of school projects, and teaching badminton, and taking care of my siblings while moms gone, and the york job that hasnt started yet, and SALT stuff, and candy carnival prep, and God - i will am going crazy!

ah, but it keeps u on ur feet. and it forces me to do my work well before hand. and if i skip a beat in my overflowing schedule? well, i die!

please pray for my sanity. i'll need it.

please dont be offended if i havent been talking to you lately. its not that i dont like u or anything. ive just been a little anti social. i dont want to sign into msn because i dont really wanna talk to ppl. its weird. i dunno whats wrong with me.

maybe im.. *shudders* in school mode..

aaaahhhh!!

bigger than my imagination, larger than the world of dreams
greater than the sum of all love Lord,
'cause you're everything to me, everything to me..

so the suprise double date turned out to be a big lie to bring me to acquire the fire, something i've wanted to go to for a while now. so Will surprised me and pulled this big scam so that he could bring me out to something i wanted to do. and it was good!

it was.. a big tc. just, without the games, without the teams, and without all the asian ppl heh. maybe its more like an sna. just bigger. 9000 ppl bigger. copps colliseum was huge and it was full. full of people of all backgrounds, all worshipping God. the messages were pretty good too. brings back all my memories of serving at Charis in highschool.

the last msg comparing christianity and enlisting in war. the speaker asked if u were in a club or if u were enlisted. in clubs, you pass your time, mingle with friends, and ur with ppl of the same interests. but when ur enlisted in the army for war, you have no time to waste, you are forced to work together, and you have a common mission. it was a powerful message that brought the urgency back that is sometimes forgotten.

if you are not enlisted, you will become a casualty..

Winters College - Events & Projects Assistant

another job that just pooped into my lap out of thin air. another 5 hrs a week doesnt seem that suicidal does it?

im not sure if i should be extremely thankful for all these cool, random jobs i keep getting. or if i should be anticipating the death of me as i stack it on top of my second yr of design projects and midterms (who gives midterms anyways?? we are in fine arts, you will kill us jan hadlaw!!), with two days of badminton class to teach, a fellowship committee to attend to, tc rec leadership to assist, siblings to cook for and a boyfriend to care for. o.O

perhaps i can do both.

this marks the official BYEBYE to my social life.

bye =)

to feel unloved. what an awful feeling for anyone to feel. afterall, everyone desires to be loved by someone. to know someone thinks of you. to know that you're special.

why else does our western society sell us sex? why else do we dress to impress? why else do we seek the attention of the opposite gender? so that we can temporarily get that satisfaction of knowing someone wants you. to feel loved.
too bad its not real. and if it is, its not going to last.

is it really love, when you grab the other person by the neck and get them to do what you want, even if it means nothing because you had to spoon feed it to them? or are you supposed to sit and wait patiently for them to show you, while your emotions get the best of you and start eating away at you.

but, God's love is supposed to transcend all the love we know here. its our God shaped voids that we cant seem to fill. so why must we continue to look to each other and ourselves for love? why cant we look to Him and find what we're looking for? why must we keep running around in circles chasing our own tails. why does it make us so blind?

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms
and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You..."

i believe this was a song someone prayed for me a long time ago.. and his prayers were answered. and i continue to be thankful for his unconditional love to this day. i pray that our eyes would continually turn from each other and to Him. thank you JK..

- - - - -

so much to do, so little time. thats the life of a design student. well, any university student for that matter. ah, but design is hardcore. u eat, sleep and breathe design so much that it makes u cringe at the mention of cmyk and makes u cry tears of frustration at the very thought of a deadline. when will the madness end..!?

mmm.. yes, my layout needs some updating doesnt it? its no longer good ol summer anymore *tear* so maybe the bikini and palm tree thing is a little outdated. soon soon it'll be different. ha, my disney theme for esp.com is so fruity har har, that'll have to change too.

OF auditions this saturday.. oriental fusion here i come!

ah, okay fine its time to study. history of design exam and research in design exam coming up. whoopey. cram time. ciao!